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I love gummy bears. But the reviews on one 5-pound bag of sugar-free gummy bears are some of the funniest, scariest things on Amazon, so I read them out loud.
Something you may not know about me: I love gummy bears, squishy, chewy and delicious. My go-to is Haribo Goldbears. What distresses me in the gummy bear world is the Albanese Candy sugar-free assorted fruit gummy bears, the 5-pound bag on Amazon, with about 390 reviews, many of them very critical. In all seriousness (sort of), I read some of them. The button goes to the regular Haribo Goldbears, the ones I’d actually recommend.
- Reviewers say the sugar-free ones taste great
- Soft, true-to-fruit flavors, like the sugar version
- Haribo Goldbears are a safe classic
- Many reviewers report serious stomach trouble from the sugar substitute
- A 5 lb bag makes overdoing it easy
- Don’t share them with someone who hasn’t been warned
▶ Watch the full review on YouTube
Why these reviews are famous
A lot of the reviews are very critical, and they read like horror stories. Words can’t express what happened to some of these people after eating them. One reviewer called it “the gummy bear cleanse.”
The review I read
The reviewer starts out happy: for taste, five stars. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors, just like the sugar variety. But not long after eating about 20 of them, everything went wrong. Cramps, sweating and gastrointestinal distress worse than food poisoning from bad shellfish.
Then came the gas, described in very colorful detail, followed by hours of, let’s say, emergency bathroom visits that lasted into the next morning. The reviewer had bought 5 pounds of these “innocent looking, delicious tasting” bears.
Even after hearing all of it, a friend decided to take her chances and take the bag off their hands. The closing advice: when your gut sounds the alarm, don’t dawdle, run. Under no circumstances trust a fart. Prepare as if it were a blizzard, and stock up on toilet paper.
The takeaway
The reviewer suspected a sensitivity to the sugar substitute, and the message across the reviews is the same: if you can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy; if not, beware. Me? I’m sticking with regular Haribo Goldbears. If you do try the sugar-free kind, go easy and don’t eat 20 at once.
FAQ
Why do sugar-free gummy bears upset your stomach?
Reviewers blamed the sugar substitute. Some people tolerate it, many say they don’t.
Do the sugar-free gummy bears taste good?
The reviewer I read gave the taste five stars.
Which gummy bears do I recommend?
Regular Haribo Goldbears.
Is this video a real review?
It’s a dramatic reading of real Amazon reviews, for laughs.
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